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Reported by Hugh Jasshole, Senior Derangement CorrespondentWASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning development that has absolutely nothing to do with anything anyone ever said on C-SPAN, California Rep. Ted Lieu went on national television in February and calmly explained to the world that the Epstein files contain “highly disturbing allegations of Donald Trump raping children” and threatening to kill them.Two months later, 31-year-old Cole Tomas Allen — a constituent from Lieu’s very own district in Torrance, California — allegedly penned a manifesto calling Trump a “pedophile, rapist, and traitor,” then grabbed a gun and headed to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner to play “Friendly Federal Assassin.”“I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile, rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes,” the manifesto reportedly read, in language that sources confirm was “purely coincidental” and “definitely not inspired by months of Democratic leaders repeating the exact same claims on every available microphone.”When reached for comment, Lieu’s office issued a statement condemning “all forms of political violence” while reminding reporters that “words matter” — except when the words are coming from Democrats, in which case they are “just asking questions about the Epstein files” and should not be connected to anything that happens afterward under any circumstances.Democrat strategists were quick to point out that the real problem is “MAGA rhetoric” and “the climate of hate created by Trump existing while being called a child-raping traitor on live television for eight straight years.”At press time, fact-checkers at CNN, MSNBC, and the New York Times were hard at work producing 47 articles proving there is zero causal link between repeatedly calling the President of the United States a child molester on national TV and some guy deciding to do something about it.“This is still somehow Trump’s fault,” one expert sighed.