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In a twist that shocked absolutely no one with a functioning sense of irony, the #Democratic Socialist #Senate candidate dropped out of the race—not after his enthusiastic collection of Nazi memorabilia and "Workers of the World, Unite... Under the Reich" podcast came to light, but when a dozen accusers stepped forward detailing his rapist tendencies. The Democratic Party, displaying their trademark moral clarity and high standards, immediately pivoted to their strongest possible replacement: Satan himself. Party officials praised the Prince of Darkness for his unmatched experience in soul-crushing Bureaucracy, his bold plan to make Hell carbon-neutral through eternal flames, and his refreshing honesty about wanting to own everything, calling him "the progressive choice who finally bridges the gap between democratic #Socialism and, well, actual damnation."