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WASHINGTON (TheDailyScrape) — House Democrat leader Hakeem Jeffries reportedly admitted he hasn’t enjoyed a full night’s sleep in weeks after New York’s latest primary victories convinced him the party’s socialist wing had stopped asking for directions and started redecorating the entire house, sources have confirmed.Staffers say Jeffries now wakes up in a cold sweat after recurring nightmares in which campaign strategists replace policy binders with crayons and a giant whiteboard reading, “FREE EVERYTHING.”According to insiders, each morning begins with another meeting in which someone proposes free housing, free transit, free college, free childcare, free groceries, free utilities, and “we’ll figure out who pays later.”“The math portion of the presentation has been postponed indefinitely,” one exhausted aide admitted.“Apparently arithmetic polls poorly.”Moderate Democrats reportedly attempted to inject practical concerns like affordability, budgets, and economic tradeoffs, but were quickly buried beneath an avalanche of slogans, hashtags, and inspirational Instagram graphics.“It’s like trying to bring a calculator to a pillow fight,” one consultant sighed.Party strategists say Jeffries’ biggest challenge isn’t defeating Republicans—it’s surviving daily meetings where every compromise is denounced as insufficiently revolutionary and every question about cost is treated like hate speech against spreadsheets.Political observers described the party’s internal debate as less of an ideological discussion and more of a tug-of-war between accountants and children making birthday wish lists.As of press time, Jeffries had reportedly taped a note above his desk reading, “If it’s free, somebody eventually gets the bill,” before quietly hiding the office crayons.