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Exclusive Report by Anita HardkokHOLLYWOOD — In a development that has left diplomats worldwide unemployed and war correspondents frantically updating their résumés, global peace erupted Saturday night after a plucky band of B-list celebrities bravely donned “No to War” pins at the Oscars.Eyewitnesses say the moment Javier Bardem stepped onto the red carpet sporting his vintage “NO A LA GUERRA” pin (tastefully paired with a tiny Palestinian flag button for that extra diplomatic je ne sais quoi), every ongoing conflict on Earth simply… stopped. Middle East ceasefires? Instant. Ukraine? Quiet as a library. Even the guy who cuts you off in traffic apologized and offered you his last Werther’s Original.“See? This is what happens when real stars use their platform,” gushed one teary-eyed publicist. “Javier didn’t need boring old negotiations or treaties. He just pinned a button on and saved the planet. Oscars 2026: now officially more effective than the United Nations.”At press time, world leaders were reportedly forming an orderly line to kiss Bardem’s ring, while activists announced plans for next year’s “No to Hangnails” pin to finally eradicate paper cuts forever.Anita Hardkok, TDS News. Because someone has to report the important stuff.