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WASHINGTON—In a day of completely unrelated “random acts of random randomness,” authorities say two men sharing the extremely common name Muhammad went on separate rampages Thursday, leaving at least one dead and several injured across two states.In Virginia, 36-year-old Mohamed Bailor Jalloh—a former National Guardsman freshly released from prison after pleading guilty in 2016 to trying to provide material support to ISIS—walked into an Old Dominion University classroom, reportedly asked if it was ROTC, shouted “Allahu Akbar,” and opened fire. He killed one instructor and wounded two others before heroic ROTC students tackled and “rendered him no longer alive.”Meanwhile in Michigan, 41-year-old Lebanon-born U.S. citizen Ayman Mohamed Ghazali rammed his truck into Temple Israel synagogue in West Bloomfield, opened fire with a rifle, and was shot dead by security as the vehicle burst into flames. Officials noted his recent family losses in Lebanon but emphasized that “nothing should be assumed.”Moments after both attacks, CNN’s Jake Tapper appeared on air with his signature furrowed brow and unflinching commitment to facts, declaring, “Authorities say there is no clear motive at this time. We must not rush to judgment.”When pressed about Jalloh’s ISIS conviction, Ghazali’s Arabic battle cry reports, or the fact that both perpetrators were named Muhammad and one explicitly invoked Islamic jihad, Tapper shook his head gravely. “Look, these things are complicated. It could be stress. It could be climate change. It could be that they just really hated Tuesdays. But to suggest any pattern or ideological connection would be irresponsible, dangerous, and—let’s be honest—deeply problematic.”At press time, Tapper was still bravely refusing to connect any of the dots that have now been connected 47,001 times before, while reminding viewers that the true national emergency remains “MAGA rhetoric and insufficient pronoun workshops.”Reported by Hugh Janus, TDS News