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New statistics reveal that transgender women are far more likely to succumb to prostate cancer than to be mowed down by the dreaded AR-15 assault rifle. “Who knew biology could be such a buzzkill?” quipped one expert, who was immediately canceled for noticing.According to data that progressives are desperately trying to memory-hole, the lifetime risk of a trans woman dying from prostate issues—yes, that pesky male organ they pretend doesn’t exist anymore—is about 50 to 100 times higher than getting ventilated by America’s favorite scary black gun. “It’s almost like hormones and surgeries don’t magically erase basic anatomy,” said a biologist who wished to remain anonymous to avoid being labeled a bigot.Gun-grabbing groups like Moms Demand Action were quick to pivot. “Sure, prostate cancer is a thing, but have you seen how tactical an AR-15 looks? That’s the real killer!” exclaimed spokesperson Karen McTriggered. Meanwhile, AR-15s across the nation breathed a sigh of relief, knowing they’re off the hook for at least one demographic’s existential dread.TDS News correspondent Gabe Owners, reporting from his basement bunker stocked with MAGA hats and expired COVID tests, summed it up: “Finally, some good news for the Second Amendment—turns out it’s not transphobic, just cancer-phobic. Who’da thunk?”At publishing time, CNN had launched a special investigation into whether prostate cancer is secretly funded by the NRA.