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WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning moment of self-awareness that shocked even the most jaded political observers, DNC spokeswoman Jenny Taylia confessed to TDS News reporter Gabe Owners that “not all liberals are stupid.” The admission came during a press briefing where Taylia was desperately trying to spin the party’s ongoing hunt for a 2028 presidential candidate who can outsmart a root vegetable.“Look, we’ve got plenty of smart liberals out there,” Taylia insisted, adjusting her “Biden 2024: Because Math Is Hard” button. “They’re just not the ones we keep nominating. We’re talking PhDs in gender studies, experts in sustainable kale farming—real geniuses. But for president? Yeah, we’re still workshopping that.”When pressed by Owners on whether this meant the DNC’s current crop of hopefuls might be dumber than a sack of hammers, Taylia paused, sighed, and added, “Let’s just say our IQ threshold is set to ‘potato’ and we’re aiming high from there.”At publishing time, DNC officials were reportedly consulting with Big Tech to develop an AI candidate that could at least tie its own shoes without glitching.