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A Little about Me and Self Love... So I've been thinking a lot lately about my own path and how I have been able to find balance within my own world. I don't usually talk about myself too much but I feel like vulnerability is one of our greatest teachers so today I'm going to talk a little about my conquered demons. See what has given me eyes to see is the fact that I have been through the fire and emerged more resilient, stronger and wiser. I grew up in a very poor family with abusive parents which set the stage for a plethora of internal and external battles. I never have really known the feeling of a loving family and because of this I struggled with relationships. I was constantly on the search for the feeling of being loved and accepted and this allowed others to take advantage of my disposition. It's not that I didn't know how to love others because I just offered them what I never received but rather because I was so eager for this feeling I became a target for narcissists and users. This created many more adversities and tribulations for me to overcome. Due to the fact I carried these wounds for many years and could never seem to fill the void I turned to using drugs to escape the pain of feeling misplaced and unloved. This helped temporarily but the unhealed parts of me were still there. It was like putting a single band-aid on a body 80% covered with 2nd degree burns. Plus this escape I found only attracted more people that were likely to take advantage of my kindness, leading to more unhealed trauma within myself. This life and lifestyle I found myself in wasn't me and I knew this with every ounce of my being. But with no real guidance or mentorship I felt hopeless. It wasn't until I truly chose to seek to change my perspective of thinking it was all this horrible stuff happening to me and adopt the mindset of these things were happening for me that my life started to change. I realized that this world, these people, were only gonna love and respect me at the level I chose to love and respect myself. This is when I realized that all change starts with self. It has nothing to do with God or prayer or worship. These ideals I realized only were serving to keep me in a waiting and hoping energy. I would be sitting in AA meetings hearing everyone saying "I got this and that going on and I'm just going to put it in God's hands and pray" and I just couldn't shake the feeling that this thinking that's extremely embedded in our consciousness has been created to establish a disempowered people. To me this thinking works against true personal growth and empowerment. I grew up in a Christian church and I also relied on this thinking for half my life. And to be honest what led me away is finding unconditional love for myself. Once I discovered that all the adversities I was challenged with all were there to teach me that first I had to love and respect myself I then began to challenge all ideals and beliefs that led me away from myself. Religion, when thoroughly examined on a psychological level; inarguably leads to a disempowered, fragmented and skewed understanding of self and true reality. In my opinion it was carefully crafted to enslave the mind and disconnect humanity from our true spiritual power. I know to an indoctrinated society it's hard to truly see the dangers of the effects that these systems and institutions have on our collective and personal growth. When we look at these systems and ideologies from the perspective of energy it is very easy to see how they stifle our means to expand and think outside the box. They rob us of our money (energy) our mental (energy) our time (energy) and also lead us into seeking or worshipping deities or power external to self when in reality the god we should be seeking is found within. The Alchemist