photo #3232691

Holiday Season Memories:(Based on a totally tru story) Once upon a time there was a young man who lived in a small apartment in Coney Island Brooklyn. He shared the apartment with his wife, and a large 110lbs German Shepard named “Dakota”.The couple loved “Dakota” and would take him on trips to the city, riding in the back seat of their little Corolla. The dog would ward off crackheads and squeegee men with extreme prejudice.Good dog!On one cold and blustery Thanksgiving season, the man had a craving for chili. He had grown tired of turkey and wanted to try something different. Young and dumb, he did not know how to make chili from scratch, so he bought a can of “Hormel Chili… Con Carne.It was horrible. The man knew that “con carne” meant “with meat”. However, after tasting it he realized “meat” could be anything from a small rodent to Hormel temp worker who fell asleep during orientation.As the man headed to the kitchen to toss the chili in the trash, he spotted Dakota’s empty dog dish and thought, “Why waste what is apparently perfectly good dog food?”The dog devoured both the chili and con carne. Hours later, man, woman and dog were headed south on the parkway, driving through the frigid night air. Dakota was asleep in the back seat, Hall & Oates was playing on the radio. “I can’t go for that.”‘No can do.” Then suddenly the atmosphere inside the small car took a sudden and dramatic turn. It was not as much a smell as it was a neurological attack. As the “smell” wafted over from the back seat, the man felt like he was having a stroke. The entire left side of his body went numb as he frantically tried to crank down his window, while trying not to serve into opposing traffic.“What the hell was that?”, the man yelled from behind a hand that was impotently trying to protect lungs and nose hairs. “It’s DAKOTA!” (Or New Jersey…it was right across the river) “What did you did you feed him?”, the woman yelled as she desperately tried to crank down front and back passenger windows at the same time.The frigid air poured in, but the methane “con carne” did not budge an inch. It clung to the inside of the car in defiance physics and all that is good and holy. Now the car smelled low tide at Coney Island and felt like the Antarctic.“Maybe it was the chili?”“WHAT? YOU FED A 110LBS GERMAN SHEPARD, A WHOLE CAN OF CHILI, AND PUT HIM IN A SUB-COMPACT WITH US IN THE DEAD OF WINTER?”“I didn’t know dogs farted. How was I supposed to know?”A bloated and gaseous Dakota whimpered in the back seat. Methane con-carne production continued unabated. Epilogue: The man and woman are in bed fast asleep. Suddenly the man smells smoke. The thick smoke turns into fire. The man starts to choke! Then he wakes up from his dream, only to realize Dakota is sleeping on the floor on his side of the bed.Still farting. The End.