photo #2419543

"People who are hard to love need that love the most."One thing that helped me get past my anger was realising that I was letting the other person control me when they shouldn't. This is no way to live.One of my favourite ways that I use to take back my power is to remind myself that they have this behaviour for a reason. This person was also a victim (even though I don't like to use that word, there it is). Mean people are hurting, too.I don't say this to indemnify them, by any means, but it can help you to develop a bit of sympathy for them and, over time, you can learn not to get angry at what they do, because you'll maybe understand why they're doing it, and possibly even relate. Who knows?If it's someone whose life you know a bit about, you can go, "Ok, well, they've been through such-and-such dilemma, and they're upset/still holding the pain. It's not really about me." That has helped me get over A LOT. Even when they might go, "Well, I'm angry because you ______," whatever you did is VERY LIKELY reminding them of a wound that's not healed, caused by someone, long ago, who first did that thing to them, and now they are reliving that moment with you. You had no intention of kicking off with them, but they're being reminded of pain that has just never healed, and they are face-to-face with it once again. This can bring up a lot in anyone. I'd go so far as to say all of us.Let's say you don't know the person that well and you want to use this method: just go, "Ok, well, they must be going through something difficult right now that they're too afraid to talk about, and they're acting this way. I may never know what it is, but it isn't about me." You are highly likely accurate in this assumption, and you DON'T need to run it by them to check on your accuracy. Just go with your instinct.There is a lot - A LOT - tied into ye olde "inner child" and let me say, that little bugger is responsible for a great deal. We'll get to that another time, for sure.I thought about this today when a client told me about a relative that made things extremely difficult. I had similar difficulties with the same relative in my own family, actually, and I said that one of my ways of getting past it was to remember that my relative's early life held a lot of grief that was never nurtured or resolved. So eventually I could train myself to have some sympathy, and I wasn't angry anymore. I learned to have compassion, instead. Made all the difference.If any of this sounds like something you'd like to go deeper into, we can certainly have a chat and discuss whether my programme would be suitable for you. This is a great reframe. It was my grandmother. I forgive her everything.