I have to admit, I’m enjoying watching some of my friends suddenly discover their deep, almost sacred reverence for historic names now that Donald Trump has renamed Lake Ontario “Lake America.”
Where... View MoreI have to admit, I’m enjoying watching some of my friends suddenly discover their deep, almost sacred reverence for historic names now that Donald Trump has renamed Lake Ontario “Lake America.”
Where was this passionate defense of tradition when we spent the last decade playing cultural Mad Libs with names?
The Cleveland Indians became the Guardians.
The Washington Redskins became the Commanders.
Aunt Jemima was evicted from the breakfast table and replaced by Pearl Milling Company.
Uncle Ben got demoted to Ben’s Original.
The Native American woman disappeared from Land O’Lakes butter.
Eskimo Pie became Edy’s Pie.
The Dixie Chicks became The Chicks.
Lady Antebellum became Lady A.
Universities and real-estate professionals started replacing “master bedroom” with “primary bedroom.”
Computer programmers began retiring “master/slave” terminology.
Schools, streets, statues and buildings bearing the names of historical figures were renamed by the hundreds.
Then there were the military bases.
Fort Bragg became Fort Liberty.
Fort Hood became Fort Cavazos.
Fort Benning became Fort Moore.
Fort Polk became Fort Johnson.
Fort Lee became Fort Gregg-Adams.
Fort Gordon became Fort Eisenhower.
Fort Rucker became Fort Novosel.
Fort Pickett became Fort Barfoot.
Fort A.P. Hill became Fort Walker.
We even watched Mount McKinley become Denali.
Meanwhile, our vocabulary got its own remodeling job. “Mothers” sometimes became birthing people, “pregnant women” became pregnant people, and “breastfeeding” acquired the alternative chestfeeding in some institutional language.
And Columbus Day? Plenty of cities, states and institutions decided Indigenous Peoples’ Day was preferable.
For years the message was: Names matter. Words matter. Language evolves. Old names can be changed when society decides another name better reflects its values. If you're offended by the change, get over it.
Okay.
Apparently there was an asterisk:
This principle remains valid until Donald Trump names something.
Suddenly the people who spent a decade redecorating the dictionary have chained themselves to the furniture.
Personally, I think Lake America is mostly political theater, and pretty funny political theater at that. Canada is perfectly free to keep calling it Lake Ontario. Nobody is confiscating their maps.
But after watching everything from pancake syrup to Army installations get renamed in the name of cultural sensitivity, I simply cannot work up the appropriate level of outrage over a lake.
So to my friends who are losing sleep over Lake America, I offer the same compassionate advice conservatives received during the Great Renaming:
Language changes. Names evolve. Try to keep up. 😎
Any firearms in the vehicle today?
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ManSpot:
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