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By Connie Lingus NEW YORK, NY — In a jaw-dropping display of socialist priorities and seething anti-Americanism, Mayor Zohran Mamdani has signed an emergency order blocking large public gatherings and special event permits across city parks from June 11 through July 19, 2026 — conveniently strangling patriotic celebrations for America’s 250th birthday while the FIFA World Cup rolls into town. The official excuse? The cash-strapped city simply can’t afford NYPD overtime or the manpower to protect real Americans honoring their country’s milestone. (Protests and demonstrations, naturally, get a free pass.) The same administration is cheerfully flushing over $10 million this year on DEI grift, racial equity consultants, and a shiny new citywide Racial Equity Plan that somehow justifies tax hikes and 5,000 scrapped NYPD hires. Eyewitnesses say Mamdani was later spotted choking the life out of a live bald eagle — the proud symbol of American freedom — while lecturing reporters that “true patriotism means throttling outdated revolutionary holidays so we can fund what actually matters.” “Look, we all love this country,” Mamdani reportedly hissed, still gripping the bird’s neck. “We just don’t want to celebrate it in ways that exclude people who hate it.” At press time, city officials confirmed the 250th anniversary Times Square ball drop will now be a limited, ticketed, broadcast-only affair — no unruly public crowds allowed. The planned fireworks have been replaced with mandatory diversity training and land acknowledgments in every borough. The eagle is expected to make a full recovery. America’s birthday, not so much.