They stole more than $2 million in Haitian relief money to get her locked into "marital bliss" for life (no matter how much he objected) with Ulysses the Red-Penised Wondergoat (his Facebook handle). Why couldn't at least a quarter of that have to gone to fixing that face? Or did they have a rule because they're so kind-hearted that they'd only steal $2 million from starving people?
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Linda
She had to have a big dowery.
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Hans Switzer
Should be the red penised goat humper.