photo #8106378

😂😂 53-year old Linda Smith, of Buttermilk Road, was arrested this morning by officers of the Cordova Police Department, for allegedly capturing numerous squirrels and training them to attack at least one of her many, many former lovers. The victim, 51-year old James Robinson, was presumably attacked by the rodents on more than a dozen occasions during the past month. These attacks caused him many serious injuries, including the loss of two fingers and one testicle, all of which were bitten off. The poor man had no idea why squirrels kept attacking him until he saw his ex-girlfriend, a former animal trainer, cheering the animals on during one of the attacks. “She was partially hidden behind some bushes, but I could clearly see her and hear her. She was yelling orders at the squirrels and telling them to attack me.” Realizing that his life could be in danger, Mr Robinson filed a complaint with police, who then paid a visit to Ms. Smith. In her residence, they found dozens cages, holding a total of 27 squirrels, 34 dogs, 43 cats and an as yet undetermined number of large rats. They also found two training dummies with pictures of Mr Robinson taped over their faces among the filth covering the floors in Ms. Smith's home. Police confirmed that Linda Smith had admitted that she was responsible for the attacks and confessed her strange and somewhat deranged plot. “Ms. Smith confessed to capturing and training squirrels and rats to harass and attack her ex-boyfriends so that they would leave as soon as she had exhausted them financially. She once trained animals for a circus and had raised a son as a circus animal, so it was easy for her to make the animals do as she wanted. She said she hoped to raise an army of up to 200 or even 300 animals.” The 53-year old woman is now facing a variety of criminal charges linked to criminal harassment and using animals as weapons. The CPD Chief admitted this morning in a press conference, that this case was probably the strangest that he’d seen in his entire career in law enforcement. Linda Smith’s lawyer has demanded for her to undergo a psychological evaluation, claiming that she was unfit to stand trial while stating, "She wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed before this and now, I strongly suspect that her cheese has entirely slid off of her cracker". Experts say that her choice of training squirrels and rats instead of dogs or bears suggests that she might be suffering from more severe mental problems than those already known to have plagued her life to this point. If she is judged fit to stand trial, Ms Smith will be facing a maximum of 65 years in prison.