photo #7454659

Holding space…It’s taken me lots of heartache and disappointment throughout my life, to understand that my innate tendency to want to help people, to make them feel better, to give them advice or to ‘fix’ them, was better served not by ‘intervening’, but by simply ‘holding space’ for them.Holding space can mean different things to different people, but as I have come to understand it, it’s the willingness to be there for someone through their own process, without judgement, without unprompted interference and without trying to impact the outcome.Ultimately, holding space is about making sure the person in your life is seen and heard, fully. It’s a form of attunement, an ability to connect to another person’s condition. An exercise of empathy not sympathy.The challenge comes to those of us that by nature like to fix things, to offer solutions, to give advice, to roll up our sleeve and get involved. In our desire to fix things, we fail to limit ourselves to simply listening and holding that safety net for the other to process, release, digest, overcome and workout the best way for them to help themselves. I have helped many people in my life, mentally, emotionally and financially. I have given them my time, my energy and my love and I mistakenly thought that in return, they would always be in my life. But my broken heart is proof that that has not been the case. It took me a long time to figure out that when you help people you are also inadvertently and unwillingly, disempowering them.God knows my intentions were noble, but I guess I was not measuring my assistance; I was intervening instead of allowing, counselling instead of witnessing, and acting instead of holding. What comes of it, is that the other person starts to feel that you don’t think them capable of taking responsibility for themselves, prompting feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness and before you know it, their initial gratitude turns into resentment against you.Helping people correctly is almost an art, it takes an incredible amount of empathy, insight, perspective, understanding, patience and self-control, to be there for them in a way that is nourishing and nurturing but not constricting and disempowering. Holding space, I’ve come to realise, is the only way to truly be there for someone. Holding space says; ‘I’m here for you if you need me, but I know you can get out of this by yourself, so let me just listen without judging, let me share your grief to lighten it and let me hold this safe space for you so that you can feel that you are not alone. Let me witness your recovery so I can be proud of you and what you have achieved.’I finally learned my lesson, I finally understood that my intentions were in the right place, but my delivery needed to change. I share my experience in the hope that we may all become better at helping one another. At this time of transformation, we’re all going to have to learn to hold space.❤️❤️❤️https://t.me/LauraAbolichannel