The Cairo Curmudgeon
on April 9, 2022
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Yes, there's those of you that refuse to be distracted by the pandemic, the purported race wars, the vitriolic political talking points, WWIII, inflation, increasing gas prices, restaurant bailouts while people are hungry, refugee support but homeless Americans, failure to control the borders, failure to impeach, the Smith/Rock fiasco, Hunter's laptop, Maxwell's trial and failure to disclose clients, hildebeast coup, "intelligence" experts lying to CONgress, ad nauseam. Most aspire to live rural and get some peace. Before you do, you need to understand a few rules. Yes, we have animals out here. They defecate in front of you. They'll get "amorous" in front of you. They make screaming noises whenever they please, and don't understand the shouted "SHUT UP". Yes, roosters DO crow at midnight, and mockingbirds ain't pleasant fellers. We'll skip the bat discussion right now due to sensitive issues. Yes, animals smell, and so do their keepers.
First big secret : be careful going out after dark. Let the dogs out first. If they demand immediate re-entry, stay inside. If they Yelp, pull your weapon. If you love your vehicle, don't drive! Deer love to do their bodywork after sunset. You need to know why people carry a walking stick to the outhouse, and it ain't kinky. Screens on outhouse ventilators along with tight fitting doors can save many a laundry embarrassment. If you want to emulate any animal, make it a squirrel. They stay up their trees for obvious reasons, including snakes. If you like to drink homemade "stuff", don't carry a .22. Make it a 12 guage, which is country for hit anything in front of you cross-eyed. If you ain't got a truck yet, you're never gonna make it. Them convertible jobbies with a four foot "bed" aren't worth it. You need an 8' fleet side bed. Ain't got one? Plan on stayin' single. Crew cabs? Please. Automatic transmission? Identifies them's what wear diapers.
Ain't tryin' to scare you. Just look at the surveillance cam shot here. That's just a spring party gettin' started! Still a better show than the last 14 months on TV, though. Prioritize !
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