photo #1713464

I get so confused. I moved out into the country to uncomplicate my life. Who'd have thunked it ? Yes, it was a dreary, rainy day yesterday, and I couldn't go outside without getting wet. Instead, I got my glass of applejack and had just sat in my living room chair when I heard scratching at the front door. Both dogs were in, so it could only be George. Before he woke up the dogs, I opened the door and he scampered in and jumped on the table. Seems he was a little chilly, so I poured his saucer full. He was lonesome, and wanted to talk. He started by asking what time Joe was going to speak on Tuesday, and I told him it didn't matter to me because I wasn't going to watch a tin horn tyrant spewing edicts four days before Christmas that won't pertain to me anyway. I told him I was staying away from politics for the holidays, or I'd be all over this administration's circumvention of the Taylor Force Act of 2018 by manipulating international banking laws in conjunction with the UNRWA in order to spend US taxpayer's money on martyrs. Either that, or Omar's insidious bill approved by the House establishing an Islamophobia task force at State. He stared at me as I explained I just wanted to bask in the reason for the season, not the pit of misery we're constantly berated with now. I was explaining to him how this is only the tip of the iceberg before the 2022 midterm debacle when it happened. Somebody unannounced pulled up the driveway and set off the driveway alarm. Our black lab/heeler cross Kissy takes that personally, and I heard her head smack the bed as she came flying out from under it in pure acceleration for the front door, issuing her half bark half scream as she flew past me. George had seen her this way before, and thought she must be after HIM again, as always. In his survival mode, he headed for the Christmas tree, landing almost halfway up. He frantically shot to the top, knocking the star off the top. The star landed on Kissy's head, and she looked up, confused. That's when she saw George. It was on like Donkey Kong now. She started trying to climb the tree, George was squeaking, our other dog came hobbling out barking, and my wife was hollering things I couldn't understand in the melee. I started yelling "Quiet", but I guess the dogs thought I was joining in with their barking and got louder. Then, I saw the tree start into it's slow motion arc towards the floor, and George was apoplectic. I had to do something. Quickly. I grabbed that bloated rodent and headed for the door in a dead run. Just as I turned the latch, I tripped over Kissy and started a one -armed wind milling as I flew out the door into the rain. Did I ever tell you about how squirrels come running to the defense of another when it's squealing and cackling? They do, and they were waiting for us as we crash landed in the front yard. I tucked George in like a football fumble to try and pad the landing. George was still screaming, and Kissy had drawn a bead on him when "the clan" arrived. Things get real confusing for me from here. Squirrels were busy "treeing" me, I was being clobbered by a broom from somewhere, my son was kicking me, and I let George go whilst I tried to save my poor old body by half crawling away. After the fracas had subsided, I only heard the dogs barking up into the trees and my son laughing. There were tears in my wife's eyes and she was speechless. Right then, the car who'd set off the alarm rolled it's window down and apologized because he was obviously at the wrong address. Then I heard the clicking, and looked up to see George. Yes, I yelled at him. "SEE WHY I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT POLITICS DURING THE HOLIDAYS OR ON SUNDAYS" ?