photo #1705367

Yes, I live in Cairo, North Carolina now, but, like the song says, "I've been everywhere, man...". This time of year, people 'round here get all excited 'bout Christmas decorations, especially wreaths. One thing I've noticed is a plethora of Holly trees and Holly bushes. Yes, there's several on my property, and I avoid it because it's gonna stick me any way it can. Today, I was reminded of my high school friend Anthony, who's still one of my friends today. He and I went everywhere and did everything like mowing lawns, raking leaves, or anything else to make money. One year, shorty after moving into our house, my Dad took after two elm trees in our front yard because they were " full of mistletoe ", though I think he hated the leaves. He LOVED to prune anything, as was evidenced by the attempted murder of Mother's prized honeysuckle bush. Anyway, it was close to Christmas, so Anthony and I bagged up the mistletoe and went around selling it for decorations. Yeah, we sold out and made quite a bit of profit, but ran out of product. We decided to create more product instead. Big. Mistake. Huge. For those of you who've never lived in New Mexico, consider this a public service warning. It's not the timber rattlers, javelina, horney toads, coyotes or goatheads you need worry about. There's the BUSH FROM HADES called a pyracantha. THIS thing will attack you year round just for LOOKING at it. Spines? Yes. Thorns? Yes. Sticker leaves? Yes. Painful? Lord. Pretty little orangish/red berries? Yep. Green leaves? You bet. Combined with evergreens like Arborvitae, they'd make a pretty wreath ! Mix in some cedar and juniper, it'd be beautiful ! Excited, we donned gloves, jackets, and aprons and went on the "attack on the pyracantha". After raking leaves, cutting grass around it, and trimming it you'd have thought we'd learned our lesson. No. The thought of capitalism spun us beyond mere caution. Did I mention these things LIVE to create pain and will CHASE you? Oops. My bad. THEY DO/WILL ! I ain't lyin' and it ain't funny ! I had the pruning shears and Anthony approached that beast like the man he was. He was going to pull a branch down, and I was going to cut it off. That was the plan, anyway. Bad. Plan. At that time, Anthony was around 4&1/2 foot tall, 'bout 85 pounds soaking wet. He grabbed a big old branch and gave it a heave. The branch came alive when I tried to position the shears, lifted Anthony off his feet, and swear to the man upstairs ate him right in front of me. I couldn't see him, but the screams and cussing proved he was in there and barely alive. I frantically started whacking a hole with the shears, and saw the look on his face. I shouldn't have. Sometimes, I react crazy. This was one of those times. Yes, I fell down laughing. Anthony got so mad he ran out of that killer on his own, just to put knots on my haid ! It's a good thing he'd screamed earlier, because that had my Mother come to investigate. She came around the corner just in time to see Anthony clobbering on me while the only thing I could do was cover up 'cause I was laughing so hard. She saved my life by breaking us up, I'm sure, because Anthony had so many blood dots on him I lost it again. We got him in the house and put merthiolate on them, and he howled even more. Predictably, it was quite funny to me. Needless to say, we gave up on that enterprise. No, his Momma wasn't happy, either. Should you ever encounter one of these bad boys, give it a wide berth or approach with a bulldozer. They'll lure you to your doom !