photo #1597015

It started out innocent. Yes, it was cocktail hour, and I was enjoying applejack in my chair, when George appeared and finally got up on his table. I said finally, 'cause these days he gets rather rotund, as it were. He gave me all kinds of flack after I started introducing him as my "free range pachyderm". He explained I'd be smarter to realize that it means it's going to be a cold winter, and he's not so heavy in the summers. He explained life in North Carolina wasn't a "walk in the park" between the heat of Hades in summer and deep freezers in the winter. I asked him if that had anything to do with sounding like sasquatch in the woods during deer season, and he took it rather personal. He asked me what my excuse was ! Between air conditioning and heating, I should be staying around the same weight, he said. Dang squirrel had a point, but couldn't let him know it. I started blaming it on all the labor saving devices and entertainment available today. He just sat there cackling and making his laughing noises until I got up to go get my second glass of applejack and his bowlful I occasionally get him. Up until now, things were pretty much normal. Until then. If you've never lived in the woods, you don't know how much we celebrate the two weeks of season changes we usually get. We throw open all the doors and windows, and enjoy the quiet of the outdoors and clean air. Unfortunately, it also is celebrated by carbon bugs and gnats, and evolves into closing the doors at sundown afore an attack skeeter carries off one of the dogs. The gnats stay. Forever and for all eternity. Well, we figured out a great and humane way to cut 'em down. About 1/4 bowl of applejack with three or four drops of dish liquid in it works wonders. The dish soap gets on their wings and they can't fly, so they fall into the applejack and drown drunk. It really works. Unfortunately for George, he'd done ruffled my feathers, and I was flummoxed to the point I wasn't thinking. I filled my glass and ACCIDENTALLY grabbed that bowl for him. Swear. I didn't mean it. Anyway, I went back outside and gave him his and I took a swig of mine. I then started talking to him about my mental channels dropping from ten or so to two conscious ones and the old "beat, beat" subconscious one. He said that explained why our society is so messed up right now. We're too distracted ! He explained it like squirrel hunting, NOT a popular topic with him. After the first shot, every tree and squirrel come alive like a swarm, distracting the hunter so he can't concentrate. He said that's how our politics has become. Once one politician is attacked, the distractions start, diluting the effects and attention paid until they can make it disappear. Dang it, he had a roll going today, and my comment "Great analogy, oh rotund one" really didn't appeal to him. Well, he's kinda known for getting a bad attitude after his bowl of applejack, so I went to pick it up and take it inside because the attack skeeters were due anyway, and I needed to finish my second glass in peace. George stomped off with his impersonation of sasquatch when I saw all the dead gnats in the bottom of the bowl for the first time. I knew the story wasn't over then, but it was too late. Yes, dish liquid cleans everywhere it goes. No, it's not supposed to be ingested. It WAS an accident, he distracted me. This morning, I learned many things. Yes, squirrels CAN get diarrhea. Yes, they CAN be vindictive, as evidenced by my chair. Yes, it stinks, and as much fun as cleaning off roof patching tar. There is an upside. I bet that telemarketer won't be starting his call with "And how are you doing today?" He might even quit the business !