photo #1127898

When I went out this morning to have coffee and watch the squirrels, I found a handful of peanuts in my chair. I was standing there, mouth agape, forehead wrinkled, as I tried to figure out what was happening. Just after I'd cleaned the seat off, I heard a clicking sound again, but I sat down anyway. This is MY domain ! Then, George started a racket. I squinted around looking at the trees when the clicking started again. I finally localized it to Thaddeus, George's son, taking pictures of me ! I yelled for George to come down right NOW or I'd get my rusty old Daisy pump BB gun ! He complied, albeit hesitantly, and sat in front of me eating on a peanut. I asked him what his "clan" was up to now, and almost wish I'd skipped asking. It seems they were planning a media push and a go fund me account to raise money. They figured out that with those faces I was making, in my bacon print pajamas, people would have pity on a demented old man and send money. I immediately got a blank look on my face, which was rewarded by more clicking, and George started choking on his peanut. My foot gave him the "curmudgeon" maneuver, and he recovered. I asked him what he needed money FOR. Seems like his laundry list of demands was quite long, but just a few were quite entertaining. Squirrel accessible bird feeders. More squirrel picnic table feeders. A paid delivery account from a vegan restaurant to entertain their "ladies". Unlimited applejack. Fenced areas inside the fence to restrict my dogs from THEIR territory. A complete selection of nuts from around the world, not just " elephant food". They wanted to send money to other countries so more squirrels could come here and play. They wanted to contribute heavily to an anti gun lobby (go figure). They wanted to eliminate the possibility that rabbits would ever be in charge again. They wanted to mandate voting law changes to insure squirrels would always be in charge. They wanted more fencing, and armed troops to protect them from hawks. They wanted money for housing for immigrant squirrels provided they'd vote the way they were told. They wanted enough money to pay that zucker guy to fact check and "missing context" any references to squirrels, and boost memes that were anti rabbit. Then there were politicians, and rat guards to stop the snakes from climbing their trees after them. Then, my skin started to crawl and the hackles on the back of my neck started standing up. Goose bumps popped out on my arms as the whole thing dawned on me. I was thinking about how to get a confession out of him, but he's not your average squirrel. He's an instigator ! I decided to use some reverse logic and psyops against him. I started with the rat guards, and wanted a full explanation of what he was talking about. He proceeded to define a large ratguard like ships use on their hawsers to prevent wharf rats from coming aboard. By the time he was finished, I was rolling around on the ground in paroxysms of laughter. He started getting all offended, so I explained he'd just described the very device that would preclude him and the rest of the squirrels from climbing their own trees, making them prey for the rabbits and snakes. He stared off into oblivion for awhile, then muttered something about a committee to study it, then he scampered up a tree and disappeared. Now, I had my answer. To be sure, I reread his list of mandates/demands. Yep. Positively. I wasn't the ONLY one who watched that " press conference" yesterday !