Asperger's: 4 strategies to spot fake friends (before they hurt you)

While you're thinking of it, please share this video on Facebook :-)Be sure to smash the THUMBS UP button!!Subscribe and CLICK THE BELL to receive upload remindersMore on Asperger's Syndrome: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL8Uw3anjLo&list=PLyMzTz301QVx4DyktIi5OBPlP8c03LfF-More on Narcissism:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CadnytkqDKk&list=PLyMzTz301QVxr0yvW47ev6l8m1jPKagbOHow do you know who is and who is not a true and reliable friend?The problem is: Those of us with Asperger's Syndrome have difficulty recognizing true friends. As a result, we often find ourselves lured into fake friendships that don't end well. Here are four things we need to know to help avoid the fake friendship trap. 1. It's not what it seemsThis should be obvious, and to neurotypical people it usually is obvious, but things are not always the way they appear.People with Asperger's syndrome, however, tend to oversimplify: If the person is friendly, he or she is a candidate to be a friend. If the person is not a friend, that person is not a candidate to be a friend. But, as we'll see in a moment, the surface presentation of an individual as friendly or unfriendly is a poor predictor of true outcome.2. No one is perfectArthur Schopenhauer, the famed 19th-century German philosopher, pondered the possibility of acquiring a true friend and came to the conclusion that the perfect friend was nowhere to be found. In his mind, every human comes with a selfish gene; an innate propensity to self-preservation at the expense of others. That's good to know. And it should be obvious. No one is perfect. We all have imperfections. Still, it's possible to sort through those who comprise our milieu; our social environment. We can identify those likely to be reliable friends and eliminate those who are not. 3. Character trumps credentialsConsider the parable of the Good Samaritan. Samaritans were an ethnic group that lived in Palestine 2,000 years ago. They were often hated because they were considered half-breeds with religious views many considered heretical. A traveling Samaritan came across a man who had been severely beaten and robbed. Rather than ignore the man as others had done, the Samaritan stopped to help.While the credentials of the Samaritan were unacceptable, his character was that of a true friend. Lesson learned: You can tell a lot about people by the way they treat others. One thing I've learned about narcissists who love to prey on the unsuspecting: They don't change. If a person is kind and considerate towards you but is abusive towards others, that's a red flag that indicates his or her friendliness is fake and will only last until he or she gets what she wants. 4. A true friend will hurt you to heal youYou may have heard the saying, "Blessed are the wounds of a friend."At first, that seems counterintuitive. Why would a friend wound me?Granted, a criminal may slash you with a knife to inflict pain and disable you. But a surgeon will also cut you. Not to cause pain, but to help you. A true friend may say things that you find hurtful. But if your friend's intentions are to improve you, he or she will approach you like a surgeon. How so? First, a true friend will apply emotional anesthesia. That is, he or she will try to minimize the pain as much as possible, while the criminal will cause as much pain as possible. Second, a true friend cut no more than is absolutely necessary. That is, your true friend will say what you need to hear and no more. He or she will not berate you. The fake friend will slash at you with hurtful words.Third, a true friend, like a good doctor, will focus on restoring you to good health. That is, a true friend will be there to help improve your life. The fake friend, like a criminal slasher, will leave you emotionally bloodied and wounds with no consideration for your well-being.When looking for a friend you can trust, rather than seek out those who will never hurt you but, rather, seek out those who will only hurt you when it is in your best interest. Again. Observe how others treat those around them. The way they treat others is the way they will ultimately treat you. Covert narcissists are proficient at faking friendships. All of us have been fooled by them. Still, there are tell-tale danger signs. Rather than focus on how they treat you, take note of how they treat others.