photo #2223154

Yes, Karma IS real. Ain't gonna even pretend I might NOT'VE deserved it. Problem is, it wasn't either of us's fault AGAIN. Outsiders ! Yeah ! Them ! After the last "incident", where George got saucy (lol), I decided to make my life easier when trying to call George. I hunted all over the internet, and ordered the best squirrel call I could find to call him easily if he wasn't waiting on his table for me during cocktail hour. It arrived yesterday, and I REALLY wanted to talk to him because talking to other humans besides my family is getting really distasteful. Just ain't no middle ground anymore. No discussions. Only agendas, drivel, and dogma from the indoctrinated. Only ambivalence and false bravado from the educated. Nobody is remotely interested in reasoning to bring our nation together anymore to clip the wings of an authoritarian government. So, I'd rather talk to the animals, who employ the KISS principle, apparently quite well ANYHEW, I confidently strutted outside with my glass, took a big swig, then started blowing the call. I'll admit, it sure didn't sound like any squirrel I'd ever heard before, so I checked. It was made in the U.S.A.. I kept blowing it, and saw excited squirrels everywhere, heading in my direction. IT WORKS ! Then, all of a sudden, I was inundated with pinecones, branches, nuts, and I could swear a truck and car or two. After I was knocked down, they started beating on me with limbs and jumping up and down on me. Yeah. George. I started yelling at him to stop, and he called off his scurry. While I was waiting for the paramedics, I asked him why. He asked ME why. I told him everything from my side, and he was in tears. Seems the "call" was damaged in shipment, and sounded like monkey farts to them. They HATE monkeys, for obvious reasons, and were coming to eradicate the incursion. As I departed in the paramedicmobile thingy, I looked back to see George sucking up my applejack and blowing on the "call". All the squirrels were rolling around laughing. Today, I called U.P.S. and wanted reimbursement. Seems they only pay for the item, not consequential damages. Anybody know a pitbull lawyer that's hungry?