photo #2207950

I NEED to find a squirrel whisperer. I used to be able to communicate with my resident pachyderm rodent, but times have apparently changed after the bbq sauce "incident". He just ain't been the same. I was figuring it might be heat/age related, so I went to check on him. You know, we're encouraged to make sure they're okay. I went out with some applejack in his bowl with two icecubes in it at cocktail hour. I hollered, nothing. I used my clicker, still nothing. Then, I heard a faint voice telling me to climb his tree. Stop laughing. That's not polite. Of course I knew he wasn't coming down, so I decided to force the issue. I put my Super Heavy Extreme Water Blaster on the 3/4" hose, charged it, and began to get his attention in his nest. Lord that tree rat can scream ! He was claiming it was an attempted drowning because he couldn't swim. I informed him he couldn't drown because he was too "rotund". Needless to say, he came down that tree in a huff, ready to do battle. BUT, I still had the hose with the Ultimate Blaster on it. Suddenly, I was confronted with an apparition from beyond. Y'all ever seen a totally drenched squirrel? You absolutely CANNOT keep a straight face. I tried. Swear. Failing miserably, I beckoned his attention to his iced applejack whilst I defended myself from all the squirrels in my COUNTY with the Blaster from Hades. After he calmed down, I was able to talk with him. Seems squirrels get up at the crack of dawn when it's the dog days of summer, then "lay by" during the heat of the day. He'd figgered the run down the tree, to his bowl, and the return trip to his nest during the heat of the day was tantamount to attempted murder. After the BBQ scare, he's getting wonkus. He overheard a conversation between my wife and son about grilling out on Sunday as a surprise for me, and he thought that would involve ANOTHER BBQ sauce episode. That's when I explained the skinning thing as a prerequisite. Yeah, bad timing. My bad. Oops ! Yes, he's back up his tree. Yes, the applejack's gone. Yes, I think I've got a problem on my hands. Please forward any squirrel whisperer's number to me quickly. This critter's gettin' complicated !