photo #2185423

It wasn't EITHER of our faults this time. Yes, day drinking WAS involved, as promised. No, I refrained from teaching George croquet, figuring he'd either get stuck in a wicket, or I might hit him with a mallet or a ball. Tennis was out, if I hit him with a grand slam he'd be calling the ASPCA again. Same with ping-pong. Volleyball was out of the question. So, most of the morning was spent sipping applejack and telling jokes. I gave him a quarter of a PB &J for lunch, and we resumed. We started planning a prank on the raccoons. The biggest problem we have is the fact that they mostly come out at night. The wife came out and asked if grilled chicken with potato salad would work for supper, and that seemed to sound like it'd hit the spot. We still had plenty of time, so George and I resumed our nefarious plans for the raccoons. One of us got tickled, and it got hilarious. George fell off his table, and when I helped him up, I noticed he was a bit tipsy. Heavy, too ! Well, it came time to grill supper. I went in and got the tongs, chicken, and more applejack. By the time I got out there, I remembered I'd forgotten the bbq sauce, so my son went in to get it. We've got a prep table close to the grill, and I aided The Fat One up there so he could watch and learn. We had a snort, and I fired up the grill. My son came as I was putting the chicken on the grill. I had no idea he'd been shaking up the new fangled squeeze bottle, and I flipped the cap open. Karma. There must've been 10,000psi in that air bubble, and George was instantly and completely covered. I've never heard a squirrel shriek so loud, as my son grabbed the towel to start cleaning him up while I tried to hold his tail. Then, the trees around us emptied out with at LEAST a million angry squirrels coming to his aid. From this point, specifics get sketchy. Suffice to say, survival was becoming a question. Everybody was getting bit and scratched. My son and I barely escaped to the house alive ! As I sit here writing this, I'm eating my tater salad covered in peroxide, triple anti-biotic ointment, and bandaids. For future information, chicken unattended on a grill becomes inedible. PSA : when squirrels get covered in barbecue sauce, they think they're about to be grilled. Yes, they stick together. No, I haven't had the heart to tell him we skin 'em first. Maybe next week. Maybe not.